Tuesday, 18 January 2011

Things are gonna change...

Something strange has happened.  It may not be noticeable to the casual observer, but I can feel it.  It is slightly unnerving because of it's unfamiliarity, but it's there nonetheless.

You see, I have grown some balls. Metaphorically speaking.  Had I actually grown a pair I assure you that would have been worthy of it's own post (or a Twitpic at the very least). No, I mean I am slowly but surely learning to stand up for myself.  I have wiped off the word 'Mug' from my forehead and decided I will no longer let people walk all over me.

Two small things have happened to lead me to this conclusion, but it has set off a catalyst inside which has made me determined to do things differently.

You may remember the bother I had at nursery last week.  Well, today was her first day back since that uncomfortable incident.  I'm very grateful for all the comments and messages I had on Twitter offering support and advice on how to handle the situation.  So today, I strode in and said "I'd like a word please".  Very calmly (and with only a minor quake in my boots) I explained the rational explanation for Ruby's comments - you'll have to read back through the comments to see what that was).  There was clear relief on the nursery worker's face as it dawned on her it had been a misunderstanding, and she laughed in a kind of 'well, that's alright then' way.

Well actually it's not alright!  No, I explained to her that I'd been very upset by our conversation last week, and that I'd felt I was under some kind of scrutiny.  She looked mortified and assured me that was never the intention.  I told her I'd been upset by the insinuation that we had any kind of official planned visits to our home - oh no,no, that's wasn't want she meant...

Anyway, I said my piece and felt glad that I had done so.

The second thing that's happened is I've realised if I don't value myself and what I do, then people will take advantage.  Just as I'm not the best mum in the world, I'm under no illusions about being the best blogger in the world.  I still have tonnes and tonnes to learn, but that doesn't mean I should let people take advantage.

I've never had much belief in myself, and I absolutely cannot take any kind of compliment or positive remark.  But if I have no respect for myself, then why should anyone else...


  1. Good for you. I need to "grow a pair" too.

  2. You go girl xxx I was bullied as a child, as a young adult and as a grown up, I was a total 'yes' woman as life was easier that way. It wasn't until my late 30's that I 'grew my balls'. I hate confrontation and still quake inside in awkward situations but as I've got older I don't take no crap from anybody and I don't suffer fools gladly. You did the right thing by questioning their approach to you and I'm sure you will draw from this experience in other areas of your life. Well done hun.

    Jude xxx @jadlgw

  3. woopwoop - go Liz!! I think as a nation us Brits tend towards great self-deprecation. Having spent 19 years here as a total scaredy cat, I then spent 9 months in the US and it changed me forever. Not the most confident bod in the world by any means, but that experience definitely helped me to grow a pair. I think you can be great at whatever you choose to do in life, without being a mug and STILL being a nice person. You definitely have to stand up for yourself to do so, but as I've learned there are rude ways of doing it, and very polite lovely ways too :)

  4. That's such a great post to read, you are an amazing person Liz and you deserve the best, good to see you realising that and taking steps to ensure you are nkot taken advantage of, now if only I can learn from your example!!!

  5. Excellent post! I shall be taking a lead from you!

  6. Great post. Only take out the "not the best mum in the world" comment - you certainly are to your lovely daughter.

    You are showing her that you are ready to stand up for her and for yourself. A great role model. Well done.

  7. Good for you hon! I didn't have time to comment the other day but I am so pleased you spoke out and made it clear that they had upset you! I was really angry for you reading your post the other day!

    It's great when you finally realise you have balls isn't it ;D

  8. Well done you ! Calm, relaxed and focused ! So thrilled for you - now keep that muscle flexed ..... in a very nice way !

    Sue Atkins

  9. Just so you know - you are the best mum in the world. Every mum that cares for and loves their child is the best mum in the world no matter how closely they follow the books. Well done for standing your ground - being a mum can take away your confidence because there is no 'right' answer! xxx

  10. Great post honey. Well done! Perhaps I need to take a leaf out of your book and indeed grow myself a pair!

    Lovely sentiment in the song choice there :)

  11. That's awesome! Well done you on growing a pair :-)

  12. Well done, I knew you could do it. As long as you explain how it made you feel, people can't argue with that and as you found out, they are often mortified by how their words affected you.

    You've just saved yourself thousands on going on an assertiveness skills course. Being assertive is not about being pushy (tho lots of people think it is), it's about being calm, measured and firm.

  13. Fab piece!!

    GO YOU!!

    *\o/* *\o/* *\o/* *\o/* *\o/*

    @Kemcaflipflops x

  14. Well done you, veyr important to have a pair I feel!

    You rock at blogging I say!

    Mich x

  15. congrats on your "new found balls" hehe, although I'm sure you had them already, you just needed to get p*ssed off before you thought you should use them. Because,if you're anything like me, which you sound a tad, you always feel that you have "stepped too far" or completely gone over the top with your reaction, when it was totally justifiable and called for. That nursery worker needed to be reminded she is no Goddess or perfect being or anything better than you.

    Very happy you wrote about this, you should be very proud!

  16. I have had to grow a pair and learn to stand up for myself and YES! it feels good.Well done you xx