Something strange has happened. It may not be noticeable to the casual observer, but I can feel it. It is slightly unnerving because of it's unfamiliarity, but it's there nonetheless.
You see, I have grown some balls. Metaphorically speaking. Had I actually grown a pair I assure you that would have been worthy of it's own post (or a Twitpic at the very least). No, I mean I am slowly but surely learning to stand up for myself. I have wiped off the word 'Mug' from my forehead and decided I will no longer let people walk all over me.
Two small things have happened to lead me to this conclusion, but it has set off a catalyst inside which has made me determined to do things differently.
You may remember the bother I had at nursery last week. Well, today was her first day back since that uncomfortable incident. I'm very grateful for all the comments and messages I had on Twitter offering support and advice on how to handle the situation. So today, I strode in and said "I'd like a word please". Very calmly (and with only a minor quake in my boots) I explained the rational explanation for Ruby's comments - you'll have to read back through the comments to see what that was). There was clear relief on the nursery worker's face as it dawned on her it had been a misunderstanding, and she laughed in a kind of 'well, that's alright then' way.
Well actually it's not alright! No, I explained to her that I'd been very upset by our conversation last week, and that I'd felt I was under some kind of scrutiny. She looked mortified and assured me that was never the intention. I told her I'd been upset by the insinuation that we had any kind of official planned visits to our home - oh no,no, that's wasn't want she meant...
Anyway, I said my piece and felt glad that I had done so.
The second thing that's happened is I've realised if I don't value myself and what I do, then people will take advantage. Just as I'm not the best mum in the world, I'm under no illusions about being the best blogger in the world. I still have tonnes and tonnes to learn, but that doesn't mean I should let people take advantage.
I've never had much belief in myself, and I absolutely cannot take any kind of compliment or positive remark. But if I have no respect for myself, then why should anyone else...